Get your Rapture hats ready, kiddies! The sky is falling, and our wise gift of nuclear winter will propel us all into the loving arms of the all-knowing and all-everywhere G-d.


Christ's Marriage Requirements: [ Laugh & Lift Daily Issue 1/4/08]

Laugh & Lift Daily Issue for Jan 4, 2008

Thought for Today "Our battles are first won or lost in the secret places of our will in God's presence, never in full view of the world." - Oswald Chambers

The Lift  BEATITUDES FOR THE HOME   (Author Unknown, As posted in Richard Wimer's "Wit And Wisdom")

BLESSED are the husband and wife who continue to be affectionate and considerate, long after the wedding bells have ceased ringing.

BLESSED are the husband and wife who are as polite and courteous to one another as they are to their friends.

BLESSED are they who have a sense of humor, for this attribute will be a handy shock absorber.

BLESSED are they who love their mates more than any other person in the world and who joyfully fulfill their marriage vows of lifetime of fidelity and mutual helpfulness to one another.

BLESSED are they who attain parenthood, for children are a heritage of the Lord.

BLESSED are they who remember to thank God for their food before they partake of it, and who set apart some time each day for the reading of the Bible and for prayer.

BLESSED are those mates who never speak loudly to one another and who make their home a place where "seldom is heard a discouraging word".

BLESSED are the husband and wife who faithfully attend the worship service of the church and who work together in the church for the advancement of Christ's Kingdom.

BLESSED are the husband and wife who can work out problems of adjustments without interference from relatives.

BLESSED is the couple who has a complete understanding about financial matters and who has worked out a perfect partnership with all money under the control of both.

BLESSED are the husband and wife who humbly dedicate their lives and their home to Christ and who practice the teachings of Christ in the home by being unselfish, loyal, and loving.

The LaughFun Things to Do in an Elevator

Note from Chris: Yes, like a few of the other pieces in my archive, these do require a certain sense of humor. Just to clear it up, because I always end up with a few people writing me about jokes like these, I do not actually propose that you do these...they're just jokes... -Chris

- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Quiet, all of YOU! Just stop it!"

- Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

- On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

- Meow occasionally.

- Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

- Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

- Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

- Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

- When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

- Say "Ding!" at each floor.

- Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

- Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

MEMBER RESOURCEs Hear this week's audio teachingMay you have a WONDERFUL day today! :)Your Brother in Christ,
Chris Long            Laugh & Lift Ministries

No comments:

Blog Archive